Monday, January 10, 2011

So I am officially freakin' out about my trip

Started packing today. Figured I should actually put some effort into thinking about what I might need for 6 months in rural Africa (no just throwing a couple pairs of underwear into an accordion file folder and hopping on a train...) Anyways, am just nervous about the whole thing and second-guessing myself -- will my French be sufficient? will I be able to provide optimal care for my patients? I'm going to be the pediatrician for a cachement area of almost 1 million people and it is freaking me out. People who live on less than a dollar a day are going to take their life savings and travel miles, days, sometimes even across international borders to bring their children to see a doctor, to see me. Have I trained hard enough? Have I studied enough? Have I seen enough cases to guide me when I will be truly on my own? I think about the other physicians who I beat out to get this position, this opportunity and wonder if my patients would be better served by seeing them? Argh.
I know I wouldn't be happy unless I had a career that pushed me to my limit mentally, physically, emotionally, but what if I can't hack it? I know that when I get there and am thrown into things, I'll be fine, but for right now I'm filled with self-doubt.

1 comment:

Charles Grace said...

you should have no self-doubt because you will be amazing. we thrive most of all when in extreme situations and once you are in the midst of it, you will be amazing. I'm sure your patients will love you, your french will pick back up, and as long as you bring more than just underwear, i'm sure everything will be fine!!!