State of the Union Drinking Game

Courtesy of Wonkette....

Here are the Rules:
A “hit” (or “sip” for girls) is the basic unit of drinking of no offense to anybody.
A “shot” is the standard 1.5-ounce serving of hard liquor; If your shot glass has a line midway around it, this is the 1-ounce level. Go ahead and add another half ounce.
A “chug” is the act of consuming your entire beverage — usually beer — in a single terrible gulp.
“Valium” is the trademarked name for the now-generic prescription benzodiazepine derivative. Substitute any Rx downer in your medicine cabinet if Diazepam is not available.
A “rail” is two 1.5-inch-long lines of cocaine or methamphetamine. Get it, like a little railroad! But in these more innocent days, most people mean a single line when they say “rail.” We mean two lines.
If you don’t have a gun, keep a heavy cast-iron skillet and a box of rat poison near your television.
Let the games begin......

Take a hit when:
News anchor mumbles incoherently about “the speech of this president’s mmm bbl mmmm.”
“Political analyst” brings up any SOTU before Eisenhower.
Fat congressman bumps into camera, causing discernible wobble.
Fox cuts to Jim Webb looking crazy.

One booze hit, one bong hit if Bush:
Says “freedom loving people” and “Iraq” in same sentence.
Repeats same bullshit about oil dependence from last year.
Makes first malapropism.
Starts frantically blinking.

Do a shot when:
CNN cuts to Nancy Pelosi frowning or wagging her finger.
Fox anchor calls Obama “Osama.”
Abandoned CSPAN camera stays on closed door for 60 seconds or more.
Cheney gives his first curled-lip scowl.

Chug your beer or down your wine or do two shots when:
Audible boos regarding Iraq.
Audible boos regarding taxes on health care benefits.
Audible “fuck you!” from House side.
Fox cuts to Harry Reid playing pocket pool.

Pop two valiums and punch your roommate when:
Cheney clutches his chest and sags forward.

Do a rail and put on a Sabbath CD when:
Bush falsely claims God favors America in anything.

Demand heroin from your coke dealer and throw butcher knife at the cat:
Pelosi laughs when Bush talks about dead troops.

Three shots, two rails, shoot your TV and drive through neighbor’s living room:
Bush says state of the union is “wrong.”